Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Surgery ~ and ~ It's on Rare Disease Day

Feb. 23, 2001
Dr. Munoz's office called, finally...(My Neurosurgeon).  Surgery is scheduled for Monday Feb. 28th, 2011.  Ironically... that's Rare Disease Day... The LP-Shunt that I just got, apparently is NOT draining where it's supposed to.  It's draining into the fatty tissue, and it's supposed to be draining into my peritoneal cavity.  Currently I have a large mass, that's not going away without the catheter being moved.  I hope, this will be the end of this long stretch of three months.  Since Nov. 10, 2010 I will have had, on Monday, 5 surgeries.  This is surgery #11 for these diseases I've carried around with me since 2004.  I've had one other LP Shunt revision, but that was on my first shunt in 2004.  But it didn't involve removing a mass of fluid...

Right now, I thank God for Anti-Depressants...
And I find myself looking at this picture... It sits here on my desk. 
Maybe for a reason... A reminder... Not to give up Hope... To keep fighting thru the pain.

This is a Visual Prayer  that I did at my BFF's house on 2-19-2011.  She always said, " the first one speaks to you, and you will not want to give it away" and she was right, I just kept finding things to add to it... Things that "worked"  ~things about me...
check out  Michelle's Visual Prayers, they are amazing. 

The second one I made will go to a friend who shares the same 2 diseases I have.  Fate, is how I met her.  I truly believe she is suffering more than I am.  It's not my best work, but it's only the second one I've ever done! and tried to paint...

Purple is the color for Brain Disorders.  The labels say:
Turning Life's Trials into Triumphs!
Chronic Life
Looking Back to Tomorrow
How to Survive
Living into Hope
The Curious Mind
Courage and Conflict
and underneath the hands it says: How to overcome chronic hopelessness to discover God's transforming grace and strength...

Originally, I planned to make the second picture for a sick family member, but when we were asked to pray about it, I couldn't help but to think of my sick friend Karrie.  I don't pray on a daily basis...
Sometimes not at all...
But when I was asked to pray, Karrie is ALL I could think about.

Right now I am just trying to hold myself together like a pair of bookends.  I feel as if I've lost one of them these last 3 months and it's hard to stand up without it...

My favorite song, Blake Shelton "Who Are You When I'm Not Looking"
ONLY a few of the verses...

My ~ oh my, you're so good lookin',
Hold yourself together like a pair of bookends
But I've not tasted all your cookin,
Do you pour a little something on the rocks,
Slide down the hallway in your socks

My ~ oh my, you're so good lookin',
Hold yourself together like a pair of bookends
I wanna know... I wanna know... I wanna know....
Who are you when I'm not lookin?

Do you break things when you get mad
Eat a box of chocolates cuz your feeling sad
Paint your toes cuz you bite your nails
Call up mama when all else fails

Who are when I'm not around,
When the door is locked and the shades are down

I am a completely different person in my head, than I appear... Even to my husband, daughter, & best friend.  All of my Facebook friends tell me what a good outlook I have, and that they'd never know anything was ever wrong, I'm an inspiration, I should share my stories, that I'm so positive...
Do you really wanna know who I am when you're not looking?
It's probably not what you'd think...
But I try... To be happy, to be positive.  I am one of the lucky one's!  I have an amazing husband and daughter who take care of me when I'm not well... Some people don't have that...

1 comment:

  1. Love these prayers (a LOT) and it means a lot to me that you did them.

    You should know, I'm not always good in my head. Bad things swirl around like tornadoes. It's always been that way. There's a couple of verses that help me when the thoughts of pain and hurt, when the depressing thought threaten to take over.

    For although we are walking in the flesh, we do not wage war in a fleshly way, since the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.